baby pains
my stomach has been a nervous wreck for the past four days. i have been barely able to eat anything, and what i do eat constantly feels on the verge of coming back up. i’ve tried water, sleeping, crackers, bananas, salads, lukewarm baths, and almost every other thing i’ve read online and NOTHING has helped so far.
wednesday is the day my abortion is scheduled and i cannot wait to get this thing out of me just so i can stop feeling so miserable. i’m scheduled to have a non-surgical abortion which means i take two pills and have what is comparable to a miscarriage. i’m about six and a half weeks pregnant so it is too early for a surgical (suction) abortion and that is good news considering i faint at the sight of blood and haven’t even gotten my wisdom teeth out (or any other surgery).
i still haven’t told my parents, because my sister says it is best to wait until the day before so as to give my mom the least amount of shock. i wanted to give her some advance notice, but i figure my sister knows best seeing as how she had to break the preggo news once upon a time.
i told the baby-daddy (aka the ex) and at first he really pressured me to keep it and was giving me a really hard time about wanting to “kill his baby” but i finally made him see that neither of us can provide a life the baby deserves. i have no job, no real residence (i live in a freakin dorm!), no degree, and no life skills. I HAVE NEVER CHANGED A DIAPER. HELLO.
i’m already planning on spending next weekend at home, recuperating and dealing with the emotional aspects of it all. i don’t know which is scarier- thinking about bleeding out a baby or thinking about waiting 9 months to push a much bigger one out. either way, it sucks.
