June 2010
1 post
every new beginning comes from some other...
so i’ve decided to end this blog.
my heart just isn’t in it anymore. i feel like i only write about horrible shitty problems in my life, and it’s time to start dealing with the positive.
if you would like to read more about my life, and more about who i am (negatives aside) you can shoot me an email and i’ll send you the link to my new blog, which actually uses names....
May 2010
4 posts
alone
my best friend left me.
he’s going to vancouver for the entire summer.
i am so lonely without him.
we have literally spent every minute together for the past 2 months.
i can’t sleep without him next to me,
eating is hard because we always cooked together,
and i feel like i have no friends that are worth hanging out with
he was just more fun.
hopefully i’ll get to go see...
1 tag
sorry i've been AWOL,
here are some updates?
semester is almost over, it ends in about a week. i have no idea if i’ll pass any of my classes- and i’m kind of worried. but i’m trying not to stress too hard.
i had the best weekend ever with some amazing friends and managed to almost get arrested AND go to the hospital. but everything worked out just fine :)
my parents came up on sunday to move me in...
“I hope as you navigate these difficult years you, too, will one day silence the...”
– Frank Warren, creator of PostSecret
April 2010
12 posts
"we accept the love we think we deserve"
and lord knows, i deserve nothing but the fucking best.
things to remember:
if a guy doesn’t make you his priority, don’t make him yours.
if you are lying in bed next to a guy and he answers the phone call of another girl, she is probably more important to him.
if you are lying in bed next to a guy, he answers the phone, and then obliges her request to drive and go get him, she is DEFINITELY more important to him.
if a guy goes to get a girl, brings her...
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
– mae west
the bestie
ahhh, where do i begin? first of all, part of being a cyclothymic is dealing with the rapid rapid rapid mood swings.
i hope that you can understand that my emotions from one blog entry to the other will vary quite a bit.
anyway, i met this amazing guy a couple of weeks ago and when i say AMAZING i mean he is like me in guy form, which is pretty cool since i’m practically a guy myself.
we...
opportunities to cry
i am so damn sick of this depression.
i can’t sleep without the aid of alcohol or benadryl (or both)
every dream i have involves something awful, like last night-
i dreamed in VIVID detail that me and my ex-ex got back together
i went to his school to see him, he introduced me to his friends, and
he kept telling me he loved me. which will never happen in real life
(nor would i want it...
colbie callait- i won't
I won’t do what you told me I won’t do what you said (no) I’m not gonna stop feeling I’m not gonna forget it I don’t wanna start over I don’t wanna pretend it You are not my lover Guess you’re only my friend Cause when you took my heart It took it all When you gave it back I fell apart So… I won’t do what you told me I won’t do what you...
moving moving moving
so i don’t talk too much about my family in my blog, because they honestly aren’t that big a part of my life. but here’s a small family description-
my mom is a typical housewife who is also a lawyer and is very very closeminded about everything. doesn’t know i drink, didn’t know i had sex (til i got pregnant), goes through life with her rose-colored glasses. she has...
studying for my test tomorrow
and i’m drunk.
wooooooooo!
March 2010
15 posts
“Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is....”
– Grey’s Anatomy
backlash (and a couple tears)
i feel like every day i take 3 steps forward, and 4 steps back. if i wake up and go to class, i forget that we had homework. if i study hard for a quiz, it’s postponed a few days. if i go and work out, i overeat to compensate. if i make a good grade, i make three bad grades. every day it seems like such a struggle to do things that normal people can do without thinking. i have to plan every...
missing: everything
so i went out last night, things got a little crazy. anyway at the moment i’m missing my macbook (so i’m at the library), my phone is broken and my friend’s spare phone is at home on the charger, my student id card is with my friend so i can’t get in to my dorm, and half my clothes and my straightener are at another friend’s house. i’m very stressed.
love affair
so i have a love/hate relationship with texas, which i’m sure you’ve figured out by now is where i’m from.
i love: barbecue, tex-mex, country music, looking up at the stars, bluebonnets, driving on long road trips with good friends, saying “y’all” every 3rd word, the state pride, bluebell, my family that lives here, the warm weather, feeling like you live in a...
the bulimia chronicles 2.0
no, i haven’t thrown up in many many months.
yes, i have restricted myself, used diuretics, and worked out obsessively.
no, i haven’t lost any significant amount of weight.
yes, i have been repulsed by my body.
i’ve been talking to my ex ex (of freshman year fame)
it stirs up the same need to be thin and perfect i had when we were together
i’m scared
i want to purge
...
“Sometimes loving each other isn’t enough. You have to be responsible for...”
– Sarah Silverman
it sucks
Why is it that in our society it seems that no one can keep the sanctity of marriage alive? While I know I’ve never been married, never won an Oscar, never been a house-hold name, I also know exactly what Sandra Bullock is going through. Here is my advice to her-
Look girl, you are GORGEOUS, and I have been obsessed with you since you were in Miss Congeniality and I was like 8? Since then...
“it’s crazy right? to love someone who’s hurt you? it’s crazier...”
– the tenth circle by jodi picoult
best week of my life (so far)
i made a beeline for the beach last saturday at four o’clock in the am. after driving for several very long, very sleepy hours me and most of my best girlfriends (including my 3 future roomies) arrived in paradise.
we wasted no freakin time getting our drink on, and by the end of our trip (which was yesterday) we had finished 4 vodka handles, 3 tequila bottles, 2 rum handles, a fifth of...
a short update
spring break so far-
drunk or high literally every moment since friday night
made out with 20+ boys/girls and counting (but no sex yet)
drop it, drop it low girllll
so many bitch fits it isn’t even funny, luckily none have involved me so I DONT GIVE A FUCK
sunburned. they call me the red lobster.
threw my underwear in the ocean
wanted to become a mermaid
saw a dead body
...
at the dark end of this bar, what a beautiful...
so in typical average teen girl fashion, the way i deal with my problems is with alcohol. lots and lost of alcohol, and maybe the occasional drunken makeout sesh. so that’s what i’ve been doing, for better or for worse. even on school nights which is bad but whatever. spring break starts on saturday and i’m going to be at the beach with my bestest friends for the entire week. i...
“i’ll only bring you down and that’s the last thing that i want to...”
– MRC
revenge, sweet revenge
so i noticed when i first started talking to my psycho ex
that he didn’t have a myspace, or a facebook, or a twitter…
or ANYTHING online where i could find out more about him.
so i figured i’d do him a favor-
make him a facebook & myspace profile complete with pictures,
description of where he works/lives,
and details of how he treats people.
that way when the next...
the aftermath
it’s not easy trying to pick up the pieces and move on- yet again- with my life. finding out literally every single thing about your relationship was a lie or based on a lie is one of the most gut-wrenching feelings you can experience. living with someone and then finding out that you basically moved in the second another girl moved out, that he didn’t have any real feelings for you...
February 2010
10 posts
some highlights from the email correspondence with...
please be careful, he has a past history of hurting people.
over all this time i did my share of snooping around. and found alot of things i wish i hadnt. im sure he cheated on me several times with several different people, you probably being one of them …
and oddly enough i got a call frm him the other night at 1 in the morning wanting to know where i lived? i told him that it was...
restraining orders are so much fun
i’ve always held the firm belief that once you break up with someone, the best way to get over them is to avoid talking to them/seeing them at all costs. for the most part, i’ve stuck by that. but last night, i had the idiotic idea to allow my most recent (and psycho) ex to come visit me at my dorm.
besides getting physically abusive with me (again), he also verbally abused me and...
“Just know you can write your own script and make your life be any way you want...”
– paraphrased from debra jarvis’ cancer memoir, it’s not about the hair
what it's like to kill your baby
so it’s been about two weeks since i had my abortion. it was pretty simple actually. i got to the clinic with my sister, they made me fill out a ton of paperwork. i met with a nurse to get an ultrasound, turns out i was 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant. i saw my little speck of a baby. it was smaller than a fingernail. waited around. waited some more. saw another doctor to determine my blood type...
“She’d always believed that people come in two varieties: those who look out the...”
– (via kristynml) (via quotesixty) (via kristaaa)
i really love my mom
tonight was THE night.
the night she found out she was briefly a grandma— again.
the night my pro-life, catholic mother accepted abortion as a good option.
the night i realized that although i may have an amazing mother,
it will be quite a few more years until i’m ready to fill her shoes.
i love you, mom.
baby pains
my stomach has been a nervous wreck for the past four days. i have been barely able to eat anything, and what i do eat constantly feels on the verge of coming back up. i’ve tried water, sleeping, crackers, bananas, salads, lukewarm baths, and almost every other thing i’ve read online and NOTHING has helped so far.
wednesday is the day my abortion is scheduled and i cannot wait to get...
January 2010
14 posts
“if you’re not ready, that is okay. it is okay. i don’t love you any...”
– my sister
i got my answer...
in the form of two pink lines. pregnant. at 19, i am going to be a mother.
i’m only five weeks along, so i have some options. i always thought it would be easy to choose abortion, just check the box and move on with your life. but in this uncertainty i feel like clinging to the tiny cells inside of me that will one day make up my firstborn son or daughter.
i called my sister just now, who...
1 tag
formspring.me
Are you having a difficult time dealing with the break-up?
yes, and no.
yes it is hard because i was incredibly attached to him and i miss sleeping next to him, waking up next to him, and literally doing EVERYTHING together each and every day.
but i also love my freedom again, and i love the fact that i get to make my own choices.
Ask me anything
1 tag
formspring.me
Ask me anything http://formspring.me/averageteengirl
“Sometimes you have to throw in the towel and call that “re-occurring...”
– John Mayer, via his Twitter
letters from home
Hey, Boo Boo Just wanted you to know that I placed the swim suit and cap in the mail to you— so start checking your mail box. If the suit does not fit, please mail it back to me so I can return it for a refund or get something else. I have included an extra envelope if you need to return it. All you will need to do is put on postage. We have until February 22 to return it. Also, I...
Pick One
dearoldlove:
You will always be the man I love. But he’s the man who loves me.